formulae

Life has taught me a lesson last night—or that’s how I want to see it. The least person I expect to be teaching me lessons on love and relationships, well, taught me.

Or it wasn’t a lesson at all. Haha. Maybe he just showed me my life story because I needed to see it from other people’s perspective.

This friend of mine, he was sharing to us how frustrating the status of his relationship with a friend is getting. To save us from the painful story, here’s the bottomline: we all agreed he’s been dumped to the friendzone. And he wanted to get out of it. He wants to prove that he can do that. What a fighter.

But then, while he’s laying down his plans, it hit me. Damn it, that’s what I did! I was struggling to prove something that’s why I pushed myself to that one stupid thing. When all was already decidedly hopeless, I still pursued… because (maybe out of pride) I wanted to prove to people, to myself ultimately, that this ‘thing’ is possible and it can happen to me.

Oh, well. I failed—or in the words of our politicians, “dinaya ako”. Fate did not play fair with me. But I’ve accepted it all. I’m already moving on.

“People come and go.”

I wrote a short story last year sometime in December. If you ask me, I’d say it’s yet my best short story. (I only have two finished stories and a dozen of unfinished ones.)

I wrote it for two reasons. One, because the emotions I was dealing with were too much that I had to contain it in words. I would never get rid of it immediately but somehow when I put in on a paper I’d separated it from me. And that helped a lot. Two, I had to capture this one very big event that happened in my life. It ought to get stored somewhere.

Now for the same reasons, I looked back at my past. I stumbled upon this short story—this short story where I am the main character in a not so fictitious setting. I read it in the break of dawn like reading the last pages of a very good book. Before starting, I prepared myself—it had been considerably a long time and I didn’t quite remember the story. I was actually feeling inwardly adventurous because sometimes it’s scary to revisit the past.

I began reading and the words were like lyrics to a song in my adolescence. Silently I said in my head, “Oh yes, I remember now”. My thoughts were singing along to the sad story.

Yes, the story is generally melancholic. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the main character. Not sorry for myself (because I’m that character) but sorry for the character as if it wasn’t me. Like this time I was just a reader trying to imagine the people, the place, the emotions; waiting for the next things to happen, hating the weaknesses of the characters, cheering for my favorite. And like a reader, I hoped for an alternative ending.

It felt weird having to experience that. Did I grow that much? Did I grow that much that my past self seemed like a stranger? Did so many things happened that some parts of the past became gray and blurry?

Oh well. What I know is that I took another action that may cause me to write another short story. Again, to contain the emotions, to capture the moment.

Melancholic or not? I do not know yet.

I was afraid of what people may think and say. Actually, I guess, until now I am still watchful for hateful commentaries and insults, and sometimes even opposing opinions. I am a faint of heart, as one writer said.

Maybe that’s why I convinced myself that I didn’t need an audience. I didn’t need to sell my pieces. If they wanted to read, so be it, but I would never go after them and ask them to stay and read some more. For a long time, I was able to maintain that thinking. But deep inside, I longed for readers, for attention, for appreciation. Yes, some of my friends read my stories and they like them, but still there’s a thirst for a bigger crowd. You know, the satisfaction that will only come from a wider circle of people.

One day, I tried a public blogging site. All I wanted was to share, you know, give it shot. And fortunately, my article was posted. People that I did not know gave comments and threw in praises for my work. I felt a certain satisfaction and happiness that I have never had before. 

You will not survive the résumé rumble if your only weapons are a few bullets of skills and a sharp bachelor’s degree. Or an honorable mention. Or even a Latin honor. A side arm and combat knives—meaning extra-curricular activities and experiences—will always help make your employers see (or trick them into thinking) you’re trained and ready to fight. At this point, are you prepared for the on-job training and practicum quests?

I’m not. I’m a bit pistol and knives short. Well, the first page of my résumé commits redundancy with Dean’s Lister, and reads a shiny, sharp “graduated Cum Laude”. But turn next page, all you see are weak—if not crappy—contents enhanced with flattering active verbs. You don’t know how much I wanted to burn the crap; how desperately I hunted for extra-curricular experiences in a crazy timeframe to put some weight to my résumé.

In my freshman year, I’ve always thought of getting 4.0 in all subjects. No extra-curricular activities, because they can wait until schedules get laxer. They never did. There are no busier years than the succeeding years. Requirements become heavier and heavier. After defeating monster minor subjects, the next thing you know, major subjects are now chewing on your neck. There is no free time; you have to buy it—using prioritization funds.

Freshmen, learn from the mistakes champion. If you’re a come-to-school-go-home buddy like me, better break the habit now. Forget the house midday curfew or afternoon anime. Barge in the organization offices now and make sure to join a club. If you have a career in mind now, choose the organization that will best prepare you for it. If you have no calling yet, at least, follow your interest compass. When you’re finally in, be active. Without compromising your academics, grab as many opportunities as you can. Learn how to be a leader.

“Leadership is better than membership” if you are going to believe the famous college planning books authors, Gen and Kelly Tanabe. Well, I do. I say aim for bigger things; be a leader, be a club president, be the student council president. These titles might as well turn into Cupid arrows and pierce right into your employer’s heart.

Fellow graduating students, let’s not lose hope. I am exploring my options. One of them is taking out dear time from final academic project to join events. Gamble, I know. I may also consider extending a term to have more time to earn credentials. But before you copy my intellectual ideas, evaluate yourself and your standing. Can you do these?

Companies don’t only look at your skills and education. They want to see your sense of leadership and level of involvement. If they have a hundred résumés on their hands, the degree of the applicants is definitely already a common denominator; now what will make you stand out is your non-academic involvement.

Invest in the two traits now while you still can. Use the luxury that I forewent, which I’m now plotting to steal from you. It’s easy to incorporate your membership in your résumé, but there’s no escape from interviews. Be sure you actually did what you include. Be honest with your résumé—but don’t declare your Achilles’ heels.

You may not find my story useful today, but I’m telling you, it may be useless tomorrow.

Honestly, when I sent my article to Definitely Filipino, all that’s in my mind was to share my opinion, and see if it will pass the admins’ taste. I mean how they say it that they review all articles before posting, it’s given me the impression that it’s hard to be accepted.

I got thrilled when I learned that my article was already scheduled. And it was finally posted, I was overwhelmed with kilig. It’s like seeing your baby being shown in the national television. And those people up there, they are awesome readers. Awesome people even! I didn’t realized that people would actually make time to make comments, agree and disagree with me, and give their own opinions. I mean I don’t do that—I just read. Haha.

Here’s the link to my article.

It was my first job offer and I declined it. I let the fat bird fly away because there are fatter fowls on sight. No regrets. Looking forward to a big pair of fried wings on my plate in the future.

There are hundreds of things that I hope to do or have. Some are difficult to achieve, some are not. Some may happen, some may not. Some may be done all by myself, some might need a little help from others.

And here are some that I really want to happen soon.

1. A successful surprise party for me. It doesn’t have to be big or anything, just a surprise where I should be totally clueless, and will look like a complete idiot because I have no idea and I don’t know what to say and react. Just that. But the person to do this can’t be just anyone. It has to be my closest friends. (I have the guts to share this here because they don’t bother looking at my blog.)

2. Bring my friends to my house in Laguna and spend the weekend there. And in the morning, I’d go up earlier than them to prepare their breakfast. And when they wake up, they would just help themselves to the food.

3. Travel abroad alone. With my camera and journal. I’d appreciate the culture, learn the language, indulge with the local food.

Can all this happen this year, please?

Weird. In the movies I have watched these past days, I noticed there’s always some men shaving. And they should always be sad and all, like the best time for epiphany to dawn on them is when they’re alone, in front of the mirror, looking at themselves with cream all over their faces and a razor in hand.

But I got to say I learn from their shaving techniques. It’s hard to have a clean and smooth shave, ya know.